Infidelity ruins even the best of relationships and it also leaves you with a lot of questions. In addition, it brings uncertainty about what will happen now with your relationship.
With all the overwhelming emotions that come with infidelity, anyone can feel stuck on how to fix it. But here’s the thing – You need to talk to your unfaithful spouse to get clarity and find a way forward.
However, feeling so many emotions (anger, fear, and sadness) can make it tough to determine what questions to ask. So today, we will share 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.
Part 1: 10 Questions to Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse
Asking the right questions is important to determine the reasons for cheating and helps you determine the future of the relationship.
But more importantly, it gives you clarity and also helps you to process all of the pent-up emotions. So, if you want to move forward (healing together or moving separate ways), here are 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse:
1. What led you to make the choice to cheat?
This one is the hardest, but also one of the most important questions to ask a cheating partner. The “Why” helps you understand what led your partner to cheat on you.
The answer might reveal unmet needs, emotional disconnection, or even personal struggles. The goal here is to listen for honesty and accountability rather than blame.
Knowing the why behind the actions can help you determine if there was something missing in your relationship that needs fixing or not. At the same time, it also gives you clarity on what led your partner to cheat on you.
Once you have the answer and you understand the “Why”, you can decide whether healing is the right option or not. If the explanation feels genuine and shows remorse, then it’s a sign that forgiveness and healing are possible.
2. How long has this been going on?
This question is all about understanding whether the cheating was a one-time thing or an ongoing betrayal. So in a sense, you get to understand the exact extent of the infidelity.
Once again, it’s important to listen for honesty, consistency, and willingness to share the details. The idea isn’t to punish them but to establish the truth so you can make informed decisions.
If it were a one-time thing, then it would be a little easier for the partners to work things out and re-establish the relationship. But if it has been going on for way too long, it shows a deeper level of deceit that needs to be addressed.
3. Are you in love with someone other than me?
This one is also one of the important questions to ask a cheating spouse. If the answer is yes, then it becomes very clear where your relationship is headed.
A partner who’s in love with someone else is a clear sign that you no longer hold the same value in their life. Cheating without love is different, but also loving someone else shows that your partner is in a deeper emotional connection with them.
The goal here is not to shame your partner but to understand their true intentions. You must also understand that love and attraction are two different things.
Having a strong feeling for someone else means healing will take longer and may even warrant an honest evaluation of your future together.
4. Do you feel guilty about what you did?
This is one of those questions to ask a cheating spouse that helps you understand how they feel about the whole thing. Do they feel guilty about being unfaithful? Do they understand the pain their actions caused? All of these things show whether your partner is willing to change or not.
Showing guilt in response to this question is a sign that they understand how it impacted you and the relationship. One of the signs of genuine guilt is empathy and remorse. So, if your partner shows these things in the answer, it’s a sign that they want to rebuild trust.
But if the partner is defensive or indifferent, then it’s a sign that they are not willing to take full responsibility for their actions.
5. Was it emotional, physical, or both?
In the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, this one helps you understand the nature of the affair. It’s really important to ask if it was just emotional, physical, or both.
Physical infidelity can be painful, but it usually stems from impulse or opportunity. On the other hand, emotional cheating can involve attachment and intimacy at the same time.
By knowing the type of betrayal, you can determine the depth of the connection and what will be required for healing. When asking this question, you must be calm, as the goal is clarity instead of confrontation.
6. Have you cheated in the past?
It’s also important to establish if the cheating is something new or if they have done it in the past, too. A pattern of repeated behavior could be a sign that they might do it again when given the chance.
Also, the healing can be easy if your partner has just cheated for the first time. Meanwhile, there’s also the saying that once a cheater is always a cheater. Sure, that’s not always true, but it does show that the partner has a problem that needs to be addressed as you determine the future of the relationship.
In the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, asking this helps you understand whether this was an isolated incident or part of a pattern. It also helps you assess whether accountability and real growth are possible or not.
7. Do you still have feelings for the other person?
In the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, asking this one helps reveal whether emotional ties are still present. The answer will tell you whether the affair is over or their heart is still elsewhere.
If your partner admits to lingering feelings, then it means rebuilding trust will take time and effort. But if they don’t have feelings anymore, it means it will take less time to rebuild the relationship.
Once again, the goal here is to understand if you and your relationship still have space for healing or not.
8. Will you end the affair?
This question is the deal-breaker and will reveal if your partner is willing to end the affair or not. If they show willingness to end the affair, it means you still have a chance of saving the relationship.
But if they refuse or show hesitation in ending the affair, it means the relationship is over, and there’s not much you can do at this point.
This one is important because you may be willing to repair the relationship, but it won’t work if the other party doesn’t show commitment.
And you shouldn’t just take their word for it. If they agree to end the affair, then you need to look for firm actions and not vague promises. This involves blocking communication, changing routes, and being transparent about everything.
9. How can we prevent this from happening again?
This question is all about focusing on rebuilding, not blaming. It also encourages accountability and teamwork, as both of you will work towards repairing the relationship.
When looking at your partner’s answer, try to see if they are willing to make real changes. This involves setting boundaries, improving communication, and even seeking therapy.
The answer will also help you to identify what went wrong and what can be done to fix it going forward. By asking this question, the conversation shifts from past pain towards future growth, where both are ready to rebuild.
10. Do you want to stay in this relationship?
In the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, this one is perhaps the most defining. It will help you understand the intentions of your partners and if they are willing to commit to the relationship.
When listening to their answer, look if they are expressing genuine love, remorse, and willingness to change. But if they seem uncertain or detached, it could be a sign that they are not serious about the relationship.
This question brings clarity to your next steps… You can then decide whether to heal together or begin the process of letting go.
Part 2: What to Do If Your Spouse Won’t Answer Your Questions?
What if your spouse refuses to answer your questions? It can happen for a number of reasons, but here’s what you should do:
Give them time and space
Talking about why they cheated and all other questions can be overwhelming for both parties. So, the best thing you can do is to give them time and space so they can regroup their thoughts. It also helps them to think things through and decide if they still care about you or not.
Consider ending the relationship or not
If the spouse refuses to answer the questions and doesn’t give clarity, then that’s not a good sign. Depending on the severity, you can consider ending the relationship.
But, here’s the thing – Ending the relationship should be the last step and not the first one! So, you should only take such extreme measures if you feel the relationship is beyond fixing.
Seek therapy
If nothing else works, then you need to seek couples or individual therapy. A professional can help create a safe space for honest communication. In addition, a therapist can also guide both of you towards understanding and healing.
Bonus Tip: How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Cheating on WhatsApp?
Do you have a suspicion that your partner is cheating by using WhatsApp? For example, they may be using WhatsApp at odd times (in the middle of the night) to talk with someone. How to catch your cheating partner?
Then, you should use the iToolab WaTracker WhatsApp tracking app. It’s a simple app which gives you a notification whenever your spouse is online on WhatsApp. You can also get detailed reports on how long they remained online on WhatsApp.
By knowing when your spouse is online, you can investigate further and even ask them why they were online on WhatsApp at a particular time.
GET IT ON
Google Play
Now, let’s look at how you can use iToolab WaTracker to get notifications when your spouse is online on WhatsApp:
Step 1 Launch the WaTracker app and then press the “Add a contact” button. After that, grant the permissions and then choose the “Add a contact” option.
Step 2 In this step, you need to enter your spouse’s name, number, and country. Also, turn on the Online Notifications and Offline Notifications options. After that, tap on the Start Tracking option.
Step 3 Now, you will see “Activation” status beside the spouse’s contact. So, press the “Connect WhatsApp” button. On the next screen, enter your WhatsApp details and then tap on Next. After that, follow the instructions provided by the WaTracker to link your WhatsApp account with the app.
Step 4 That’s it! You will now see the online status of your spouse along with any other contacts you have added in the WaTracker app. You can also tap on “Details” to see a complete report of the online/offline status.
Final Words
Finding out that your spouse is cheating can invite a lot of emotions into the play. From sadness to fear to anger, all of these things can cloud your judgment and make it tough to work things out.
That’s why we have shared 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse in this article. These questions will help you to get clarity and even chart a way forward to save your relationship.
When you ask these questions, the goal shouldn’t be to belittle your spouse or to argue. Instead, the whole purpose of these questions is to clear things up and determine what can be done to rebuild the relationship.
GET IT ON
Google Play